"My name is Nicki Cruz. "
I was born into a family bound by witchcraft. My father was a satanist, my mother was a witch. My parents were deeply immersed in shamanism and black magic.
When I was born I was raised and dedicated to Satan, my head was anointed with blood. I inherited my father's mantle, so it became a bane upon my life.
When I was a child I never got a single kiss from my mother, and I never kissed her either. I felt like I died at the age of 8 when I heard my mom say she didn’t love me..
I felt no affection and I was brutally beat up multiple times until I was eight
Many times I lay unconscious in a pool of blood.
At the age of 4 i wanted to kill myself
You know when your mom calls you "freak", "bastard" it really hurts. I eventually realized that she didn't love me and I hated her because of it. that. I screamed in heartbreak that I would rather be called a "nothing" than to be called her son.
The last time she beat me, as an eight year old, I swore I would never love anyone or cry again in my life.
At the age of fifteen I ended up in New York with the Mau Mau gang named after a bloodthirsty African tribe.
Squad became my "family" that I never had.
A family of hooligans who draw their strength from each other and take care of each other.
New York is a city where you need eyes in your neck. It was a matter of survival. You had to abide by the laws of the jungle. And the beast doesn't know the difference between good and evil. The beast must be killed to survive.
I could always remember my mother's voice when she grabbed my hair and slammed my head against the wall as the blood ran.
I tried to see into her eyes, which were like fireballs, to see something human, but all I saw was cold and hate. And I heard "You're not my son, I don't love you." Get out of my life I don't want to see you! "
In the gang i knew i was gonna die young. but in my life i was already dead. I died when I was eight years old when my mom said she didn’t love me.
At 16 years old I led that gang myself in New York.
I fell to the depths of hell, thought about suicide many times.
When the police arrested me I was isolated from all the other prisoners because I was dangerous.
Court ordered me to see a psychiatrist. So I got to meet Dr. Goodman. He took me to one of the worst hospitals ever a very famous hospital for crazy people Then he took me to another psychiatric clinic in Manhattan.
Six months later, when we were walking with him on the street, he said directly to me: "You're just cold!. I tried to infiltrate you, beat you in the chest to get some kind of emotional response. But you are completely lifeless, you are very dangerous. " And he said there's nothing I can do for you Nicki! You going straight to jail to the electric chair. To hell with it. And there's no hope for you. You are dead '.
But, by the grace of God, these words did not come true!
God was my last hope and in my misery He found me. I never thought about God in my childhood until suddenly this man Pastor Wilkerson fell from heaven into our neighborhood.
The police warned him: 'They will kill you.' This jungle, this a battlefield "All we gotta do is come and get your body. "
Wilkerson answered them with great conviction: "God will be with me! "The police said, ""We hope he stays with you because we're not going!" "
This man was used by God. When i showed no interest in anyone God showed interest. He put so much love in this man's heart and brought him to New York's biggest city with a message of hope.
Just two weeks before this my psychiatrist said “Nicky you step on the electric chair and you’re going to hell! "
But Wilkerson said, "no, that's not true! It's heaven,it's God,it's Jesus Christ who died for your sins,who gave his life for you just as you're willing to give yours for your friends,gang members,girlfriends and girlfriends.
There is one God who is truly the living God his name we remember But when one of you dies - no one remembers you, you're not there anymore. but jesus is always there He's not going to die! "
And this is the most important piece of news David Wilkerson has ever given me. And I approached him and started beating him.
I wouldn't let him go. He couldn't get rid of me easily. I cursed him, his God and everything in this world.
Like a wild animal, I jumped on him, grabbed his hair and started banging his head against the wall. Just like my mom did me. But this guy, ignoring the pain and the blood, said in the middle of the street in the presence of three hundred witnesses: "Nicky, I'm not scared." I came here to tell you the news from heaven I came to tell you Nikki Jesus loves you! "And when he told me that, I backed out.
I got my eyes on him. And he said if you want you can kill me And i know that you can. But even if you kill me and cut me up into a thousand pieces and scatter them across the street, remember: each piece will scream at you: Nicki, Jesus loves you! "
This one hit me hard. It felt like a heart attack.
Two weeks later I went to listen to this man.
I didn't go alone, I brought 70 guys as security guards just to listen to this skinny guy.
To my great surprise, there were already two thousand people there. 12 strands. We came prepared. I came in with a loaded 22 caliber pistol.
And that night for seven minutes even though I was so restless high from taking drugs seven minutes later something happened to me that night
Wilkerson told why Jesus came to earth. What really touched me was the crucifixion of Jesus Christ.
The first few minutes seemed boring to me.
But then I saw Jesus Christ crucified in front of my eyes, so alive that I thought I was there, and then He died.
And this has touched me deeply. I was struck by the perseverance of Jesus. Loyalty to friendship. He, Jesus, friend, the best friend you could ever have.
He is not a lying politician who promises a lot and fails to deliver. He promises you eternal life. He promised to die for you - and he fulfilled it. And I admire such a Jesus.
It was the first time in my life that I felt respect for someone. And this Honor brought me to my knees before my savior Jesus Christ.
Glory be to Jesus! "
Today Nicky Cruz travels all over the world, ministering and preaching the gospel.
The previously insensitive "beast" teaches people about forgiveness and love. He is the founder of the Ministry of Nicki Cruz, which helps young people leave a life of crime and turn to Christ and serve Him.
Pastor Cruz is also the author of many books, including a bestseller, "Run, Baby Run." "